Insane Emo Neighbors

Very tired today because the apartment full of youngsters across the way kept me awake until 3 am. I rose foggily out of sleep around 1:50 to the sound of our door buzzer going off. I laid there for a second, thinking it was just some passing joker until I heard frantic, drunken screaming coming from the street. Right away I knew it had to be the group of idiot kids who moved in a few months ago. I’m not even sure who lives there, but for months there’s been a parade of different college-age personages trooping in and out of that place.

Last night, a young “lady”, apparently chosen for her considerable lung capacity, was standing outside the security gate in the rain, shrieking obscenities like she was having every hair on her body plucked simultaneously. I just sat there, never even made a move for the door because frankly, the hysterical tenor of that voice scared me. I heard glass breaking so I crept down the stairs and looked out the peephole. I couldn’t see anything but I heard the pesky sot slurring at top volume that she’d been out there for half an hour. There was a regular deluge going on outside and I admit to feeling some satisfaction that through her own stupidity, she’d been forced to withstand it. I considered going out and opening the gate but when next I heard glass breaking, the bitch in me thought, “Fuck it,” and went back to bed.

I’d just settled down again thinking someone would eventually open the gate (or call the police) but when the dumbass leaned on my door buzzer, that was it for me and my husband. We stomped out there and he opened the gate for this genius and her friends while I harangued them. The neighbors next to us must have been hiding right behind the door too because they popped out the minute we did, and also gave the midnight screamer a piece of their minds.

You’d think once they were sufficiently humiliated by being shown to be tremendous assholes, these wayward tenants would’ve slunk into their apartment and not made another peep. You’d be wrong though. Determined to demonstrate the power of alcohol to turn normal people into complete morons, they spent the next half hour talking loudly outside the door, slamming the front gate and doing something that sounded like rolling a bowling ball down the stairs. Finally the next door neighbor’s big, burly husband went out there and threatened to shut them up permanently, whereupon one of the overgrown adolescents tried to smack talk in an embarrassing voice that cracked every third word. In the end, the kid illustrated his machismo by banging loudly on the neighbor’s closed door and then running up the street shouting insults from a safe distance.

Guh…it seems I’m an asshole magnet. Not only do the douchebags always sit by me at the movies, they consistently rent apartments next to me.

I should examine my history of bad neighbors.

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